story of my life

Talking to Myself

It was a rough year for me in order to find the answer for “Who is the one that I must accept?”; some might find it’s essential to get the answer at the early stage of our lives, but some may not. The question is not about “Who am I?” but about the fact of accepting oneself and everything relate to it.

All things must be considered carefully before I turn back to my original person, as an INFJ with most likely personality type to say they have many secrets no one else knows; I chose to deny this characteristic and build another, whom the society around me can feel safe and less intimidating. And this become one of my greatest A/B testing to reveal which one is better: the new or the old one.

So, after a 3-year times and the moment of truth has come, to make this in short and easy to understand the whole concept. I’d like to put it in bullet points as below for the “new” me:

  • The “new” me is dragging me down slowly. By exposing myself to the environment, I tend to push myself into parties, meet new people and learn more about them. This is the time when I found myself as an Ambivert
  • Logical thinking is terrible and it’t suck! Why am I saying that? Those kind of questions are running around my head all the time because it’s quite fun to be “not so smart” but in return, there is a trust issue with me. People starts to talk and dislike that fact that I’m in the meeting room and raise some stupid questions, at least I’ve known so far.
  • While this open a new career path for me to explore and unexpectedly, it’s the answer for my ideal job later on: working as a Product/ Project Manager. Understanding not only the technical side but also the human side.
  • Moreover, stress level is also raising due to fact that I’m using the assertive side of mine to solve some of the problems. Meaning that people also think that I’m untrustworthy because for me what is done in the past is done, but not for them. Basically, the stress is from the relationship in my workplace.

Eventually, I decided to wrap-up and put this new version of me into the closet; it’s unusual for me to de-evaluate my core value and lose my focus on building my strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring and conviction, decisive, determine and passionate, altruistic. Nevertheless, embrace the weaknesses and learn from it such as be sensitive but how to analyze the root-cause of this.

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